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Whatever age we are we will have experienced something in our lives and obviously the older we are the more we will have done so. I was thinking about my life and the choices I have made over the years. Many of us would admit to having regretting something that happened in our lives, an unfulfilled desire, a wrong choice, a failure, a lack of courage, a wrong decision, a bad relationship, it could be almost anything but there will be something. I can think of many things that I’ve regretted in my past but one that I feel I could have seen through but lacked the confidence to do so was to transition whilst still young. It is easy to re-assess our lives and past mistakes afterwards of course and we can all say ‘if only’. One thing is for certain though, had I done so many other things would not have happened. I most certainly would not have married E or had children. I suppose my career would have been vastly different too. I wouldn’t have done the many things I ended up doing nor doing them with the people in my life. I wonder what my life would have been like today had I done things differently in the past. I have no regrets regarding the life I’ve had but as it turned out even that life hasn’t been perfect. I had the power to change things but that didn’t prevent my life turning out as it did. Whatever choices I made had no real influence on the outcome. If my choices had all worked out then my life would have been different so even if I made what I thought to be the right choices really only served to change the course of my life. I had no real control. No matter when I transitioned what followed would have been entirely different from any other time I decided to do so. Looking at life this way you could say there was an unlimited number of possibilities any one of which would have been right. Through it all though I would have been the same person inside. When I transitioned it only changed my physical appearance. If my life had been different it would similarly only change my circumstances and not myself. This is another reason for not regretting my life as a whole but only perhaps certain things in it. Can any of us say that we have made the wrong choices in life? At the time we made them it must have felt the right thing to do. We can only regret doing something because it didn’t turn out as we expected.
Shirley Anne
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