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Reading other people’s blogs is one of my pastimes when online and I read a few but not too many of them, I have too many other things to do. I find what others write about very revealing and their posts often provoke me to comment. Hopefully I do that tactfully. I often find that I can offer some advice having been through similar experiences to theirs and I hope too that any advice I give is helpful and supportive. Many of the things people write about concern their everyday lives and problems, especially those who, like me have transitioned or are going through transition. They write about things like acceptance, homophobia and transphobia in particular, love, relationships and a host of other things too. Sometimes I avoid responding to some posts especially where I have strong feelings on the subject opposing what is written. One of these subjects is religion. It is hard for someone like myself who, after many years as an atheist, became a Christian who reads about the moral issues and habits of non-Christians. I have to try to tread carefully so as not to upset people with any response but at the same time wanting to witness to them. Well everyone is different of course and I sometimes feel that Que Sera, Sera will inevitably rule. I read about the problems others like myself have when facing the world with the animosity and homophobia rearing their ugly heads from time to time. When I first transitioned I was fairly often picked upon by some people who had obviously ‘clocked’ me. Not a pleasant thing to endure but endure them we must. These days only very rarely does anyone look at me twice. It is hard for people like myself to get back in the queue of life having stepped out along the way. There should be no problem getting back in line because the space we left for a spell can only be filled by ourselves, the person didn’t leave the planet, just changed appearance! In my personal thoughts I sometimes feel that I don’t quite fit in, haven’t been fully accepted, am only tolerated, I am pitied. None of these thoughts are rational for in reality I have fitted back into the slot I once left whilst making the detour. When I visited the USA a couple of years ago there was a special reason, best known to the officials at the airport in New York for separating males from females. The men were allowed through the checkpoint and the women were made to stand there like dolls in a window with all and sundry gawping at them as they passed through. It was a very uncomfortable feeling having to stand there with my sisters, on show, fully exposed and with nowhere to turn. A case for testing one’s confidence if ever there was one! I had no problem of course but I did feel a little uneasy, half expecting someone to point the finger at me. Thankfully that didn’t happen and I had no problems at all during my whole stay in that country. It is nice to know that you fit in, that you are accepted as the person you are and the gender you are and not just simply tolerated. A lifetime of dysphoria coupled with bullying results in a lack of confidence that is hard to redeem. I was once in that boat and although now a land-lubber still have pangs of anxiousness now and then. I get these feelings sometimes.

Shirley Anne