A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts ‘this is a raid – everyone get on the floor!!’, and proceeds
to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off
his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head
and shouts.. ‘Did anybody else here see my face?’.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and
goes over and shoots him in the head also.
‘Did anybody else see my face?’ he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a
distant corner..
‘I think my missus caught a glimpse….’

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN’T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT
MORNING.
I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND
SAY, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”, AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.
AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE “HAPPY
BIRTHDAY.”
I THOUGHT… WELL, THAT’S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL
REMEMBER.
MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN’T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR
THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.
AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, “GOOD MORNING,
BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.
I WORKED UNTIL ONE O’CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID,
“YOU KNOW, IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY,
LET’S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME.”
I SAID, “THANKS JANE, THAT’S THE GREATEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL DAY.
LET’S GO!”
WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN’T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO.
WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO
MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON THE WAY BACK TO
THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, “YOU KNOW, IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY… WE
DON’T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?”
I RESPONDED, “I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?”
SHE SAID, “LET’S GO TO MY APARTMENT.”
AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, “BOSS, IF
YOU DON’T MIND, I’M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I’LL
BE RIGHT BACK.”
“OK.” I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.
SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT
CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE… FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS
OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”.
AND I JUST SAT THERE… ON THE COUCH…NAKED.

A blind man wanders into a female biker bar by mistake. He finds his way
to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells
to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is
only fair — given that you are blind that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

“Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
“Nah… not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.

A man wakes up in the middle of the night to the sounds of crashing and banging coming from his shed. When he calls the cops to report a burglary the dispatcher tells him there are no officers in the area but they’d send one out as soon as they could. Upset, he hang up the phone and waits a minute. Then he calls back and tells the dispatcher to never mind sending the officer, he shot the burglars. Within 10 minutes, there are patrol cars in his driveway and a helicopter circling above his house. The cops arrive in time to catch the thieves red-handed. One of the officers approaches the man and says “I thought you said you shot them”, to which the man replies “I thought you said there were no officers in the area”.

Three guys are sitting around and start bragging about how smart their cats are. The first one, a chef, says, hey watch this. He says to his cat,” condiment, bring us a tray of snacks please”.
So the cat jumps up ( yeah right) and goes into the kitchen where after a flurry of noise and activity he emerges with a tray of cookies, sandwiches and veggies.
They all agree that this is very impressive.
The next guy, an engineer, says, ” hey slide rule, go get us something to drink”.
So his cat rushes off to the kitchen and returns with a tray carrying three glasses and a carton of milk. He arrange the glasses in a perfect triangle and proceeds to pour the milk exactly equally in all three, then places them in front of each man.
Again they all agree that this is also very impressive.
The first two men turn to their friend, a government employee, and ask, “well what can your cat do”?
He says” hey, coffee break, do your stuff”.
His cat stretches, yawns, gets up, eats the food, drinks alll the milk, has sex with the other two cats, claims he hurt his back doing it, files for compensation and takes the rest of the day off sick

There was this Chinese door to door salesman who went to someones’ penthouse apartment and was abused at the door for his troubles. He said to the guy, ‘I will put a curse on you’ and he left.
The guy didn’t take much notice and carried on as normal. That night he woke up in the darkness and felt a huge weight on his stomach. Leaning over to switch on the bedside lamp he saw a huge boulder on top of him with a note attached. It read, ‘A curse be upon you’. ‘That damned Chinese guy’, he said, I’ll fool him, I’ll throw it out of the window’. Just as he let go he noticed a little note on the windowsill which read, ‘Right ball tied to boulder’. ‘God’, he said, ‘I’ll have to jump after it’. He did so but halfway down he saw a huge sign on the wall which read, ‘Left ball tied to bedpost’.

THE CREMATED HUSBAND

Martha’s husband recently died. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. She took the urn he was in outside onto the patio and poured him out onto patio table. Then while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him…….. “Abner…. you know that dishwasher you always promised you’d buy for me but never did? Well I bought one today with the insurance money! “
She paused for a minute and then while still tracing her fingers in the ashes she said….
“Abner….you know that car you were always promising to buy me but never did? Well today I bought myself the flashiest car you’ve ever seen with the
insurance money!”
She paused again for a few minutes and then while tracing her fingers in the ashes said…. “Abner….do you remember promising to buy me a diamond ring but
never got around to buying it for me?
Well today, I bought myself a beautiful big diamond ring with the
insurance money!”
Then, still tracing her fingers in the ashes she said….
“Abner….do you remember that blow job I always promised you?
Well here it comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were marooned on a desert island.
One day, when they were walking on the beach, the Englishman saw a dirty bottle washed up on the shore. He picked it up and rubbed it until it was clean to see what it might be. Just then a Genie came out of the bottle and said, Oh thank you, most honourable men. I have been trapped inside that bottle for many years and now that I am free, I am going to grant you each a wish.
Turning to the Englishman he asked what would he like to wish for.
The Englishman replied that he would like to home and sitting in his local country pub having a drink with his friends.
Woosh…he was gone!
Next, the Genie turned to the Scotsman and asked the same question, to which the Scotsman replied that he would like to be on another tropical island where there were plenty of nice women.
Woosh…. he was gone!
Turning to the Irishman, who by now was looking a bit anxious, he said, ‘And what is it I can do for you?
The Irishman replied, ‘Well sir, I am going to be very lonely here all by myself, so I wish that my two buddies were back’

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies,” He responded.
“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”

He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone”

15 Reasons why it is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

My Uncle Peter is researching our family history , and came across this on a forum .. made me smile …

GENEALOGY – FIDDLING WITH THE FACTS

The Smith family was very proud of the fact that their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. As a legacy for their children, they hired a top-notch author to research and write a book about their family history.

Much to their horror, it was discovered that Great-uncle Clarence had been executed in the electric chair for committing murder. Devastated, they didn’t want that to be revealed in the book, but felt that they didn’t want Great-uncle Clarence to be omitted either. After voicing their concerns to the author, he assured them that he could handle everything tactfully.

When the book came out, the section on Great-uncle Clarence read:-

‘Great-uncle Clarence occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a great shock.’

First, please read 25 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN UP

25 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch The Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up & break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation to just 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as being “dressed up”.

10. You’re the one calling the police because of those damn kids next door who won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down while your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer takes naps from noon to 6pm.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset your
stomach, rather than settle it.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff”.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never gonna drink
that much again”.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is for real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t
apply to you.

Moderation is a fatal thing… Nothing succeeds like excess.

Now …..

25 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN GRACEFULLY ANCIENT

1. Your houseplants are dried arrangements.

2. Having sex in any bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more milk than food in the fridge.

4. 6:00am is when you get up, as well as midnight, 2:00am, 4:00am, 8:00am …

5. You can’t hear any song on an elevator.

6. You watch The Weather Channel, because you can’t figure out the remote.

7. Your friends are all widowed.

8. You go from 14 days of vacation to 365.

9. Dressing is a bit of a chore.

10. Those damn kids next door who wouldn’t turn down the stereo are now stockbrokers.

11. Younger relatives feel uncomfortable when you tell sex jokes around them.

12. You don’t know what Taco Bell is.

13. Your car insurance goes down while your car rusts quietly in the garage .

14. You feed your dog whatever you can afford to give him.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer takes naps from noon to 6pm – you can nap anytime you like.

17. Dinner is the whole date, if you can find someone still alive enough to cook it for.

18. Eating anything other than cocoa and an antacid at 3am would severely upset your stomach, rather than settle it.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen, antacid and corn plasters. What else would they stock in a drug store, anyway?

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine isn’t even a distant memory.

21. You occasionally eat breakfast at breakfast time.

22. “No thanks, it gives me gas” replaces “I just can’t drink the way I used to”

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is with your grandchildren.

24. You no longer go to a bar for a drink.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you. *GRIN*

1 Men are like fine wine……

They start out as grapes and it’s up to us women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

( I hope the word crap isnt too much )

2 For all those men who belive that there’s no reason to buy the cow when the milk is free, nowadays 80% of women are against marrying. THEY have wised up to the fact that for an 8oz sausage, it’s not worth buying the pig

3 One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”

The teacher paused then asked the class,

“And what do you think that farmer said?”

One little girl raised her hand and said,

“I think he said: ‘Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!’”

SEVEN DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.

The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks
familiar.”

The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!!!” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?”

The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman
The Loving Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, … go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2004 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$60,000″
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing…. the house we wanted last
year is back on the market. They’re asking 950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at
him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

——————————————————————————–

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
Distinct slow down in the overall performance – particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no
longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What
can I do? Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:/ I
THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically
install Guilt 3.0.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will
create Snoring Loudly. Whatever you do, DO NOT Install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, Tech Support

I took this picture when photographing places of interest around my home town……..

If you look closely you can see three window dummies. The one sitting down appears to be kissing the backside of one of the others.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’ So he tied her up and went golfing.

*****************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
The husband said, ‘Oh my gosh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’ ‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said ‘Just get out.’

********************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

*************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters

‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked. ‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’

***********************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’ ‘Thank goodness,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay.

********************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. T OO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him.

‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

***************************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolinamountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
***********************************************************

Little girl on a plane

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass – . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea…’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?

A train hits a busload of Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish. At the gates of Heaven St. Peter asks the girls whether any of them have had contact with a penis. The first girl giggles and says she once touched one with the tip of her finger. Peter asks the girl to put the tip of her finger in the Holy water. The next girl says she once fondled one so she put her whole hand into the Holy water. Suddenly there is a commotion and one girl pushes to the front. ‘Jenny, what’s the rush’? asks Peter. She replies, ‘I want to gargle with that Holy water before Kathy sticks her a*se in it!

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like….

1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials . You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores … Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like … Government Bonds … They take soooooooo long to mature..

9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps .. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

*************

A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. “You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”

“All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board.”

“Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.

“Yeah,” the farmer said. “There’s a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco.”

“A ha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that half-wit!”

“You’re talkin’ to him,” said the farmer.