I had the strangest feeling last Friday evening. I had taken E out to lunch in the afternoon. We had travelled to various venues before arriving at the one we had originally thought of visiting in the first place. We had not been to this restaurant for quite some time, possibly more than twelve months but we had chosen well. We went the full three courses and I had my usual bottle of red wine. Later we indulged in a liqueur coffee before finally returning home. Well I actually was dropped off at the pub and I stayed there until well after midnight chatting with friends. E would have collected me had I phoned her but I decided to walk home instead. It was a dry and pleasant night if a little cold so the walk itself was nice but doing it in high heels was not to be recommended. I managed though and was home around one o’clock. I didn’t retire to bed until after two but spent some time online first. It didn’t take me long to board that train to Slumbertown but I was up again two hours later to pay the little girl’s room a visit. Half awake and half asleep I sat there a while and it was then that I was overcome with a very strong feeling, one I had never before experienced. Essentially it was a feeling of meaninglessness if there is such a word, a feeling that somehow my life was totally meaningless inasmuch as no matter what I do to be happy and to enjoy life in the end it is all quite meaningless and pointless. My thoughts turned to Scripture and specifically the Book of Ecclesiastes which describes what I was feeling about my life. I have mentioned this book before and I still recommend it as I do all of Scripture for what it contains. I have learnt to be happy and content with life, learnt to rest in the love of God and it is only because of that love that I find life bearable. We all want to be happy and content but do we really understand what that means? There are many pleasures to be had in life but they never completely satisfy the soul and we return to them repeatedly in the hope that we will have a good time and be happy. When the self-indulgent pleasure has passed we look forward to other things or a repeat of the same which tells me that life’s pleasures are but short-lived and have to be revisited over and over. In the end we tire of them. This is the feeling that I was experiencing. I realised that there is only one thing that lasts forever and it isn’t what my flesh and bones experience but it is what my spirit experiences, the love of God. Whilst I am in the flesh all I can do is to work, rest and play. I am on a merry-go-round that never stops and never really satisfies. I am constantly seeking new avenues for pleasure but it is all truly meaningless. We are but a breath, a whisper and our passing is hardly noticed in the vastness of the Universe. We live but for a short time and we are gone. All we can do is try to enjoy it the best we can. It’s what comes after that is more important.
- Sunday Oct 9 2011: Ecclesiastes, Isaiah 55, John 1:1-4, 14:6 (mikyunglim.wordpress.com)
- Meaninglessness (prodigalscribe.wordpress.com)
- Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless…except… (evanlaar1922.wordpress.com)