Fickle or what?

Have In Mind
Have In Mind (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As the saying goes, women are fickle creatures who quite often change their mind about things. Decision making can be a yes, no or maybe then switch at the blink of an eye. I used to think that I was good at making decisions but often as not I found myself changing my mind on many occasions. It is frustrating to me that sometimes I cannot make up my mind though I have to say those things under consideration are most of the time small. In design and construction for me they will be the smaller things, the details for major things like projects usually get started upon straight away. I will have already given those things plenty of time for thought long beforehand. One thing that amuses E is when I cannot decide upon what to eat at mealtimes. I will say one thing and within seconds will have changed my mind in favour of something else. All well and good but then I will revert to my first choice soon after! On Sunday (8 th) after a reasonably good night’s sleep I thought I would go for a walk before breakfast but on arriving downstairs had second thoughts after E had asked me what I had planned for the day. I ‘hummed and ared’ as we say but finally decided a complete rest would be wisest and I would forsake going for a walk. I more or less achieved that and was glad I stuck to that decision knowing I had plans for the week ahead regarding the cellar storage room project. As the work on that project has progressed I have changed my mind on several things along the way. The latest one is regarding the rear wall of the room which I have endeavoured to seal and it appears to have been successful but I have decided to render it with concrete too. When that has been done I will seal it again. It would be a shame to have stripped the room bare, refurbished it and later discover the paint was falling off the wall because I had taken a short-cut. So the work will take longer but I always knew it would because I keep changing my mind by moving the goal posts!

Shirley Anne

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Bad habits

Bad Habits (The Monks album)
Bad Habits (The Monks album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Over the past few days (I write on 5th) I have been rather lazy but it has been caused by my current muscular pain in my upper legs. It has been difficult moving around the house let alone anywhere else which meant I was and still am pretty much house-bound. I haven’t been completely inactive but I have had to leave exercising on the gym equipment alone for a while, though I did spend some time on the treadmill a couple of days ago. My problem is I cannot take the medicine so to speak! I know I have to rest my muscles or I will only end up prolonging the recovery process. It is said we are our own worst enemies and that seems to be true in my case. For many people taking time out comes naturally and for some it is even a way of life! I though am not one for relaxing as I know I probably should but there is one area of my life where I find it so easy, when in bed. Yes, if I have been tired or if I have overdone things sleep comes easily and if I have no commitments I like to extend my time in bed occasionally. That luxury comes very infrequently for me because I usually arise early even if there is no real reason to do so. It’s just the way I am wired. So once in a while I slip into the bad habit of repeatedly turning over in bed when I should be jumping out of it. What worries me is my ‘bad habit’ becoming so regular it ends up being the norm. It won’t happen, I won’t let it but while I am resting my muscles the temptation remains. On reflection I begin to think how fortunate I am when all I have to be concerned about is whether I take that extra hour or two in bed! What luxury, what privilege, I could be permanently bed-ridden after all. So I put off the feelings of guilt, embrace the gift of general good health and enjoy the occasional extra time in a warm and cozy bed. Soon enough I will be my own self again……..and I do hope it will be soon.

Shirley Anne

And now?

So then here we are again on the brink of another new year and what have we done. John Lennon asked that same question some years ago in his song ‘So this is Christmas‘. Did you think about the question then? One of the things I tire of about the perpetual merry-go-round we in the western world ride each year is that nothing ever changes. It isn’t so much the things which people cling to in order to keep up with the Jones’ or follow like sheep in the tradition of others else feel left out, no, it is more the stupidity of their mindset. We are after all free spirits are we not? Why then is there the need to do anything because others do it? We can think for ourselves, do as we please (within the constraints of a civilised society of course) and live how we wish, it is entirely a free choice. No-one pressures anyone else into doing something they really don’t want to do you would think but often the opposite is true. The bland statement of  ‘Oh well we are human beings and expect and accept our behaviour’, is a measure of our own defeat. It’s about time we stopped following all the other sheep who eat in the same old pasture and go find another field, do our own thing.

If you could start your life anew
What would you think or say or do?
If everything you did before
Could be wiped clean and be no more
Would you respond and let it be
Or stay still blind and never see?
You may not think that this is true
But all these words apply to you.

Shirley Anne 21 Dec 2017

So what will change for you this year? Have the promises you made to yourself last year been kept? Probably not in most cases or if they have they probably didn’t take root because they were starved of nourishment and consequently died to become a forgotten memory. Well another year has passed and you are still stuck in the rut, still doing the same old thing, still supporting some nasty habits and maybe now regretting your lack of will-power. Do something different, make some changes and keep them, you owe it to yourself. Who knows how long we may live, chances missed, opportunities passed-by, reluctant attitudes and by this time next year you will look exactly like you do now. Whatever paths you take make sure they are good ones, ones which will stay the course in your life. Make this year the best you’ve ever had but for all the right reasons.

Shirley Anne

Maniacs and the rat race

Vehicle activated sign (VAS) being used to enf...
Vehicle activated sign (VAS) being used to enforce a 30 mph speed limit (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Funny how things in life look different when viewed from a different perspective. I retired from full-time and even part-time occupational work back in April. My tax returns were always easier as I chose to keep my accounting in-line with the UK tax year which begins at the beginning of April. I always hated doing my tax return in the past but now that is one task I will be glad to be rid of. All that aside, life has become far simpler since April. I haven’t driven my van much since then either though for a few months prior to April my workload had dropped significantly anyway. Now it is non-existent except for private domestic work where having a van has proved to be very beneficial. Last year for instance I barely covered 1000 miles between MOT tests! Now, when I go out walking I see things from a new angle and notice things I probably didn’t notice too closely beforehand. Then I was behind the wheel but now I am on foot and see the bad behaviour of many motorists. Yes, there were times, many times, I came across bad drivers and their antics but I get to see far more of them as a pedestrian! As with most towns in the UK there are speed limits to adhere to, 20, 30 mph zones are commonplace and are there for good reason. As a motorist I was and am well aware that speeding motorists are a danger to both motorists and pedestrians alike, even to themselves. It seems however that some motorists don’t think the limits apply to them and regularly flout them. I sometimes walk along the seafront where the speed limit is 30 mph throughout the year, generous in my estimation especially during the warm months when there are always plenty of pedestrians about and the likelihood of accidents are greater. I say accidents but really they are the result of a lack of concentration and usually caused through speeding.

Beware of the Maniacs
Beware of the Maniacs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lately I have taken that walk in the early hours of the morning when it is still dark yet I see motorists speeding along at easily twice the speed limit in some cases, that is 50 to 60 mph! What would they do if suddenly there was a pedestrian crossing the road or a dog running wild? There are many people walking dogs on the beach sometimes and they have to cross the road from the car park to get there. They are madmen, maniac drivers who, instead of setting out earlier find they now need to speed because they are late for work. Not all motorists I see act that way I hasten to add, just a few of them. Each time I go out walking it is usually in the morning and often before the ‘rush hour’, the rat race to get to work but sometimes during that time. The bad driving isn’t limited to car owners either, many large commercial vehicle drivers are just as bad. Yes, things look far different when viewed as a pedestrian and from the perspective of someone who has no need to rush anywhere!

Shirley Anne

Expected?

It never ceases to amaze me how the run-up to Christmas gets crazier each year. It is as though common sense flies out of the window and people become frantic to have things done before the holiday. I have never been short of work since I became self-employed in 1997 and especially in the months of September through to December and this year is just the same. The phone doesn’t stop ringing, which is good for business of course but I do wonder why people don’t think of things well before they need them. There is no reason on earth to get work done so close to Christmas just because you want that special lighting unit installed or an extra power outlet so you can illuminate your Christmas tree but many people leave it to the last-minute before getting the work done.


Embed from Getty Images

Often they will be disappointed as a result of leaving things too late. I don’t like to let people down and if I can help I will do but there are limits and I am getting too old for dashing about here and there to accommodate. I do what I can but try not to take on board too much work these days. The requests I get are often too much for me to take on anyway but it doesn’t stop people asking, even those who already know me and know my age will expect me to accommodate. There are those who are simply not playing with a full deck so to speak who ask some ridiculous things of me. I went to a house recently to fit a replacement fluorescent tube for someone who couldn’t do it themselves, though I couldn’t see why not when I arrived to do it. If people really cannot do simple tasks for themselves you would think they would ask a neighbour or a friend to do it for them but sadly they don’t, sadly for them because they have to pay me to do it. Perhaps they don’t have friends or good neighbours. At another house the next day I had been asked to check a faulty pull-cord switch in a bathroom. Thinking the guy meant a ceiling switch to control the main light I took a replacement switch with me (I do carry such things in my van stock). It turned out to be a small cord-operated microswitch in a small wall-mounted light. There was a switch plate outside the bathroom fitted with two switches, one for the main ceiling light and the other for the wall light. The light switch in the wall light was faulty but in such a way as to be permanently in the on position. That meant the light could simply be switched on and off using the switch outside! It was a bit of a wasted journey in one respect but I suggested I by-pass the pull switch within the lighting unit to leave the light switchable from outside the room as the main ceiling light was. He need not have called me out to disconnect the switch when all he had to do was to cut off the cord. He was billed accordingly for my time. Another job I was asked to do was to fit power outlets to existing wiring which had been abandoned by the electrician who had done the work six months ago. Why was it left until a week or two before Christmas to get it finished? As I write this on Thursday I am attending to that work in the morning but I’ll wager the work won’t be as straightforward as I am being led to believe. For instance, is the wiring ‘live’? If it is then that would be a dangerous thing to leave as such and if it isn’t then where and how is it to be connected to the supply? There is also a light to be checked out. Hopefully I shall have been able to solve these questions and have done the work by the time you are reading this.

Shirley Anne

Hoarders

CPIM 19th conference hoarders Kerala
CPIM 19th conference hoarders Kerala (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is a television program all about hoarders of one sort or another. Some hoard books and magazines, some ornaments of a particular type or simply ornaments of any type. Some even collect live animals, cats, dogs and other things. Whatever it is they collect it becomes habitual for the hoarder. Many of us collect things though for most what is collected is kept to a minimum. Not so for the hoarder who cannot find it in themselves to impose such limits and end up with that much clutter they can hardly move about their homes because every spare space is taken up for storage. Now I can understand why people like to collect things and for some it is simply a hobby. They may wish only to be able to admire their collection and to do that they put it on display. For the hoarder it is a different story for most of what they collect ends up hidden away under piles of other things more recently collected. That is totally pointless we must agree but for the hoarder it doesn’t register, they cannot help themselves and so the statement is meaningless to them. Some do realise but their compulsion to hoard is stronger than their will to resist and carry on as usual. For those living with a hoarder the situation can be overwhelming and often leads to marriage or relationship breakdowns. I have been in homes where a hoarder lives and the first thing I noticed in each case was the lack of space in which to move and the resulting lack of housework that gets done. Everything is covered in dust and sometimes cobwebs. Furniture creaks under the weight of articles placed upon it. Curtains (drapes) are invariably left closed and the rooms consequently remain dark and gloomy probably either to hide the fact that the room is filled to the brim with stuff or to hide the fact that it is never cleaned. The people, that is the hoarders, sometimes neglect themselves too. I really do feel sorry for them for it is not their fault they are the way they are. Often there will be an underlying reason for their behaviour, something that has driven them subconsciously to act the way they do, something they have found difficult to cope with. That could be anything from the loss of a relative, husband, wife or child, a breakdown of a relationship, a divorce or even something from their past, their childhood that they have never been able to reconcile. The hoarder needs professional help but not all get it. For some their hoarding, though a nuisance, is kept under control. It may be difficult for others to live with but they cope. I suppose there is a fine line between one who hoards and one whose hobby has overtaken them slightly to the point of being over-indulgent. For myself and being a minimalist it is hard to work in places that are overcrowded with what I see as junk. Even at home I hate too much clutter. However I live with someone who doesn’t seem to care that ‘junk’ can creep up on you unawares! E isn’t a hoarder I hasten to say but she does have a collection that perhaps should be rationalised!

Shirley Anne

Nice gestures

Sound the Alarm (The Dawn album)
Sound the Alarm (The Dawn album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Quite often I get calls from people with electrical problems but sometimes I resist going to see what the problem is. Instead I will offer advise or talk them through their situation in order for them to resolve it themselves. Naturally these particular jobs do not really warrant a visit especially if they are far from home. I have to charge for my time and in some cases I deem it unfair to charge my minimum fee for something that can easily be resolved by the caller. In any case many would simply refuse to pay me what I would have to charge. Much of the time the faults are loss of power because the circuit breaker has tripped or a faulty appliance has caused the RCD (safety trip switch) to trip thereby removing power to other circuits. If the caller follows my instructions and successfully reinstates the power I have saved them the cost of calling me out and they are usually most grateful. It sometimes pays to offer help in this way for it could lead to work at a later date. People remember good deeds. On Friday I received a call for assistance from an elderly couple living about three miles or so away. They wanted to know if I could call in order to trace the source of  an unusual sound which they thought might be the result of an electrical fault. The gentleman even held the telephone toward the sound so that I could hear it. It sounded much like a child’s toy but obviously couldn’t be that. I asked about their smoke alarms which according to them were working as they should. Their burglar alarm had been disconnected so it couldn’t be that. I asked if they had a carbon monoxide detector as the sound could be an indication that the battery required changing. At that point the gentleman said that in fact they did have such an alarm unit but it wasn’t in use, it was stored in a box in the room from where the sound was emanating. He told me he would call back once he had recovered the alarm. A couple of minutes later he called back to tell me that in fact it was the carbon monoxide alarm unit. It had been stored away without removing the battery beforehand. The battery was almost drained which set off a warning signal. I wondered why the alarm wasn’t in use but perhaps their home was all-electric and the alarm wasn’t necessary. They thanked me for being so helpful and honest with them especially as I could have charged them had I gone there. The gentleman asked if he could pay me something but of course I refused payment. Evidently his wife was insistent that I should accept a little something and asked for my address. I gave in and thought no more about it. The following day, Saturday, just after lunch  the doorbell rang and I answered the door. It was a delivery of a large cardboard box addressed to me. However I didn’t open it for I thought that it was intended for E who receives parcels almost every day! She had told me a day or so earlier that my name had been entered in one of her competitions in order to give her more chances of winning. Any ‘winnings’ would naturally be addressed to me. She had been out during the afternoon for her monthly meeting with her group and didn’t arrive back home until after five o’clock. She asked why I hadn’t opened the box and I told her. She hadn’t been expecting a parcel so in fact it was for me after all. I opened it to find a large bouquet of flowers in a special container and a note inside thanking me for the help I’d offered. It was from the elderly couple. Wasn’t that a nice gesture?

 

Christmas Flower Pictures

Shirley Anne

I’ve opted out but she still did it!

Christmas gifts
Christmas gifts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So at last the end of yet another busy week which turned out to be the busiest and most profitable so far for the entire year! I’m not about to complain though. Friday morning then was hopefully going to be the last time I would work in the week but from what my client told me over the telephone I was expecting the work I had scheduled to be a little messy. My client, a lady about the same age as myself, mentioned something about lowering a power outlet to allow more space in which to fit a wall-mounted electric fire. I had asked her if the room had solid flooring, concrete for instance and she confirmed it had. That meant the wiring to the outlet would be either coming through the wall from behind or else it was coming down the wall from up in the ceiling. It was hardly likely to be coming up from the floor and that meant the existing wires would be too short to move elsewhere. A new cable would have to be run down the wall from the space above the ceiling and sunk into the wall itself, hence the messy job. As it turned out the job was entirely different. The ‘room’ was a glass conservatory that had been erected against the gable end of the house and the wall was built with bricks. The power point didn’t require repositioning as there was just enough space alongside it to mount the fire. My task it seemed was to fit the fire too, which I did. Not only that but I repositioned the glass shelf that had been fitted over the old fire which I also had to remove before fitting the new one. All the cabling was then  neatly hidden in the trunking I’d fitted to end up with a really professional job. The lady was very much impressed and told me that was why she employed a woman to do the work. What can I say? I was accordingly paid well for my efforts but stayed a while to chat with her over a cup of coffee before driving home. I made a slight detour to purchase one or two things from the supplier and soon after midday I was home. Whilst having my lunch the doorbell rang and E, who had not yet joined me at the table, answered the door. I heard her speaking with whoever it was before she entered the room carrying some gifts wrapped in ‘Christmas’ paper. They had been presented by our next-door neighbour. It was only a week or so ago we had taken her a huge bunch of flowers on the anniversary of her husband’s passing. On that evening we chatted about many things, one of which was Christmas and the giving and receiving of presents. She had asked me if I do anything at Christmas and I told her that no, I didn’t and in fact I don’t celebrate the day nor do I give presents or wish to receive any. I explained that I had opted-out of the world’s version of Christmas and the materialistic and hedonistic revelry that passes to commemorate the birth of our Saviour. I have not partaken of such things for some years now. I celebrate the event in a totally different way. Well what I had told her must have fallen on deaf ears for the presents were for E and myself and she had told E that we were not to open them before Christmas Day! Yeah, sure, I was going to do that! I duly opened them to see what they were, a pen (?) and a very large and beautiful silk-like scarf. Now one of the other things I had mentioned when we had visited her was the enormous amount of scarves I possess but hardly ever wear! It is a case of not getting much of an opportunity to wear most of them. What was she thinking? Naturally I shan’t say anything to her but I will thank her for the thought when we next speak. I will insist that she doesn’t give me presents again though, I don’t want them from anyone. It is enough that people are there, they have no need to ply me with gifts to know that they are appreciated or that I am to them. I will not be tempted to reciprocate and fall back into the ways of the world. To me it is totally meaningless. So no Christmas cards from me or anything else for that matter. It has been that way for quite some time.

Shirley Anne

Another busy week

English: DC USA, Target, Black Friday
DC USA, Target, Black Friday (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was feeling pretty tired on Thursday night after another busy week and I still had a job to do on Friday morning. Getting to sleep wasn’t a problem however at around three-thirty in the morning I woke up with pain in my right hand again. I ended up tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position but it was difficult. From that point until I finally arose at six-fifteen I remained awake. Now I’d had a mere four hours solid sleep which under normal circumstances is not far off what I normally have but that night’s sleep wasn’t really enough because of the work I had been doing. Despite that I went to the job and managed without a problem. I am quite amazed at the amount of work I have gotten through in another week but the approaching weeks to Christmas have always been a busy time for me. I get tired more easily these days which is only to be expected at my age and to be honest I seem to thrive on it. At this time of writing I am not certain what I shall be doing over the weekend as far as working at home is concerned but I do know that I won’t be working for anyone else as I have a couple of jobs lined-up for the week ahead and I need some respite.
I was watching the news on television and saw the chaos that had ensued after the so-called ‘Black Friday‘ experiment. In America it has become the thing to do on the Friday after Thanksgiving whereby stores offer goods at half-price to encourage spending before Christmas. It is a new thing here in the UK where normally goods go on sale at reduced prices in January or immediately after Christmas day but Tesco held the event in most of their stores throughout the country and it caused people to stampede and fight each other for what was on offer. I felt so ashamed of my countrymen and women as I watched their bad behaviour on the screen. They were like animals fighting over a piece of meat! All for the love of material things. Such a shame. I have never stood in a queue waiting for the sales to begin, I have never hung back thinking the price for something might drop a few days later. I would rather do without than to act the way I saw those people were doing just so I could get my hands on some material thing.

Shirley Anne

Wanna larf ?

The best Ryanair complaint letter we’ve ever seen

on in Travel

Because having a relaxing holiday doesn’t have to cost the Earth…

Ryanair Complaint Letter

It’s no secret that we think Michael O’Leary is a complete tool. And we know we spend a lot of time harping on at you to  ditch the plane and take the train instead. But this hilarious letter from James Lockley to Ryanair really does sum up how frustrating and stressful taking a flight can be. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did…

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing for the attention of your customer experience team. I am definitely a customer, and believe me, you didn’t fail in providing us with an experience.

My wife and I had booked to fly from Stansted on the Thursday 17th April, evening flight to Bratislava. After 2 hours of fun, fun, fun, stuck on the M25 doing 20 mph, we arrived at Stansted check-in with just one hour until the flight. Knowing the strict Ryan Air policy on ‘check-in closes 40 mins before the flight’ as you are the Low Fare Taxi of The Skies, we went straight to the Ryan Air assistant and explained our plight. She said we were still within the time and all would be fine but we had to make the attendant at check in aware and he would assist from there.

We approached the attendant as instructed and explained. Unfortunately, in the main part, due to him being a child, and forgetting to bring his mother to work, he heard only half of the words before his brain fell apart like a wet cake. He led us to the line for closing gates, advised we should wait and all would be ok. We stood patiently in the line for 20 minutes. We got to the front of the line and the lady, who we shall from this point refer to as Vacant, explained that she had literally just that second closed the flight and we had missed it. We complained that we had done as instructed and she said it was the child’s fault because he should have advised her that we were trying to board a closing flight and that because he hadn’t told her it was therefore our fault we had missed the plane.

Confused by this process of blame apportioning, another check-in clerk, who we shall refer to as Not That Bright, tried to blame us for not responding to the last call for the flight as we should have made ourselves known. I argued that the last call had not been made. Not That Bright then questioned Vacant on whether she had done a final call. Vacant did what she does best and looked, well,…… After establishing that the child had not informed Vacant we were here, and Vacant had forgotten to do a last call and that all of this was irreversible, and my fault, Not That Bright and Vacant conferred to agree this was not a problem they wished to deal with and told us to get in a very, very long line of very, very unhappy people at the quite wrongly titled ‘Customer Services Counter’ as it was in fact a Customer Shouting Desk. We complained and requested the attention of a manager.

Out came Colin, a man so angry all his hair had literally fallen out. He was so aggressive I can only assume he had accidentally inserted something sharp into somewhere private and been unable to remove it before he came to work. He was definitely a middle Gimp. I know this as Vacant and Not That Bright were clearly quite scared of him, and he can’t have been a Big Cheese as he was talking directly to customers and we all know from the papers that no-one in Big Cheese management at Ryan Air has ever seen, let alone spoken to an actual customer.

Middle Gimp had clearly listened hard at Ryan Air Middle Gimp school as he managed to take two perfectly calm and sane adults and in a matter of seconds reduce them to angry people considering violence.

‘Check-in opens 3 hours before the flight’ he barked repeatedly as if it was the answer to every question in life. We tried to ask Middle Gimp direct questions about why it was necessary for us to miss the flight because the Child had forgotten to do his job, and Vacant had forgotten to do hers.

‘Why is this our fault, and why should we miss the flight because Ryan Air staff have admitted they made errors?.

‘Check-in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Do you acknowledge we have just cause for complaint as we tried to do the right thing and the only reason we are not on the plane is because of communication failures with Ryan Air Staff?’

‘Check-in opens three hours before the flight’

‘What colour are my trousers?’

‘Check-in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Do you think economic sanctions on Russia will diffuse the escalating situation in Ukraine?’

‘Check-in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Were Man Utd right to fire David Moyes?’

‘Check-in opens three hours before the flight’

‘My tinkle is hurting, could you take a look if I promise not to tell anyone?’

‘Check-in opens three hours before the flight’

Middle Gimp then conferred with Vacant and Not That Bright, and agreed that this was all our fault as we should have noticed that Child had made an error and we should have called the flight ourselves to assist Vacant in doing her job because she was clearly busy being, well,…… Middle Gimp then insisted we go to customer the Customer Shouting Desk, as he was definitely not going to do anything else. This was handy as the queue was very long so that by the time we would reach the front the plane would be half way to Bratislava and the problem would be solved.

We waited patiently in line as customer after customer stood at the desk to hear the same song;

‘No, no, I can’t do that, no, there are no Middle Gimps available, no, no, sorry, no, give me all your money’

We got to the Customer Shouting Desk and explained our plight to the lady there (who was actually very nice and clearly should not be working for Ryan Air as a result). She apologised but explained that Middle Gimp had finished being angry for the day and had returned to his padded cage and there were no other Middle Gimps around. We would have to book in to the flight for the next day and we would have to pay £110 each to change the ticket. When she tried to re-book the flight she said that the flight we had tried to get was actually delayed by 1 hour and still at the air port and that what we should do is run to the gate with all our luggage, she would call through and they would check our bags into the hold at the gate. We ran as fast as we could, which is not very fast because I am fat, to security to do as instructed. Security advised us that because our flight should have left, even though it hadn’t, the ticket machine would not open the barrier for us and we would need to return to the Customer Shouting Desk.

We waited patiently in the very long queue yet again for about 40 minutes to discover the nice lady had also gone home now so we had to explain the whole thing again to a new lady that looked like all the joy had been removed from her life at birth. She recited the Ryan Air customer services song with a sterling level of apathy and dreariness, I am surprised she could muster the will just to breathe and stay alive.

‘No, no, I can’t do that, no, there are no Middle Gimps available, no, no, sorry, no, give me all your money’

She recited it with perfection, Middle Gimps across the world would have been in awe and the effectiveness of the techniques taught in Middle Gimp School. Seeing no other option but to hand over all our cash and come back the next morning we happily paid and got new flights.

As the new flight was at 6.25am in the morning we decided to get a hotel, we paid £79 for a room and got a taxi.

So, our customer experience was insightful and liberating. From the incompetent Child with a brain so full of girls and Vauxhall Corsa modifications he couldn’t actually listen or speak, through Vacant and Not That Bright who decided on reflection that anything they did wrong was our fault for not pointing it out to them, right through Middle Gimp who made a Tasmanian Devil look calm and Zen like, and the sad one, oh so sad, having every last drop of life sucked out of her by her chosen career at the Ryan Air Customer Shouting Desk. I very nearly jumped over the desk just to give her a cuddle and tell her everything would be alright if she could just muster the will to leave the Ryan Air Customer Shouting Desk and find a more fulfilling job, like starting the very first Israeli pork pie factory, or being a parking attendant in Tower Hamlets, or in fact just resigning herself to a slow and uncomfortable death would have been indistinguishable from the current position and would require much less effort.

The net result of this ‘experience’ was;

New Flights – £220
Hotel £79
Taxi x 2 £50 
Worlds most expensive sandwich in the only hotel we could get £35

1 x significant breach of Tort Law (2008 as quoted by Lord Atkin) by Ryan Air, Google it, it’s a cracking read. I will leave you to decide the monetary value of this.

1 x very angry and upset wife, in particular with Middle Gimp for being so unbelievably rude.

1 x Missed wedding reception for our Slovakian family (sorry, forgot to mention this nugget earlier) who all turned up from all over the country to see us for an event we were forced to miss, because Child and Vacant are clueless at best and Middle Gimp has anger management issues.

So, thank you Ryan Air for a comfortable and enjoyable experience. I have watched a program called the news so I fully expect this to land on the desk of the customer services team underneath the empty bottles and sandwich wrappers that you also file there. You treated us badly, you cost us money and made us miss our wedding reception through a display of incompetence I have not seen since Greece was allowed to have money and a cheque book.

I sincerely doubt you will do anything about this, compensate us, apologise, or even respond according to the news, so I have sent this recorded and sign for delivery to absolutely confirm my opinion of Ryan Air and that it is not just ‘lost in the post’

Regards

You bunch of…………….

DJ Lockley

P.S. Maybe Middle Gimp in particular, but Child, Not That Bright, and Vacant should purchase one of your reasonable priced tickets and go to Slovakia (assuming they were actually allowed on the plane. The Ryan Air employees there are smart, clever, bilingual, helpful, and polite and they should in my opinion experience an example of how they should do their job. The Slovak staff could explain it to them, but they wouldn’t be able to understand it, so it may be a waste of time after all.

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The mind boggles though I have to add E and I have had similar experiences but nothing anywhere near to these. I am sure many others will have had some too.

Shirley Anne