Still waiting

English: Protestors at the June 30 pension dem...
Protestors at the June 30 pension demo in Nottingham. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had awoken at five o’clock on Tuesday after only three hours solid sleep and a couple of hours sleep that wasn’t quite as solid meaning I was restless during that part. I can remember being restless but don’t know why because I went to bed very tired. Anyway the long and short of it meant I got up early and made the decision to take a walk. It was still quite cool at six-fifteen and it remained that way for at least an hour. I took no coat or warm clothing and wore only a top and skirt, it was just perfect for me. I was able to eat breakfast at eight-thirty on my return home and soon after E came down to join me. Once breakfast was out-of-the-way I got out the mower and cut the lawn. There was still dew on the grass but the mower coped with it. Following that I again watered both gardens and prayed that we might get some rain soon. E and I found time to sit on the patio before lunch after she had washed her hair and had a shower. She had a hospital appointment at two o’clock and I would be driving. Soon we were on our way and by two-thirty she had seen the physiotherapist and could leave but first we took the opportunity to visit our next-door neighbour who was still hospitalised. It had been a couple of weeks since she had been admitted (see previous posts) and the promises came and went but she was still left waiting. As I write this she remains in hospital and hopes to be able to leave at the end of the week. She may have to be placed in a private care establishment for a short time before she can come home. Nobody seems to know exactly what will happen at this stage. Whist E was waiting to see the physiotherapist she and I sat in the waiting area and I noticed a free publication regarding pensions lying on the table. It was a small booklet filled with information about pensions, how to set them up and later how to receive them when eligible. I opened it up to a page whose headline read ‘ What happens if you die before receiving your pension?’ and I immediately remarked ‘Don’t worry, we’ll post it on to you’. E, myself and a couple of other people couldn’t stop laughing at the irony of it all. Well what will you do if it happens to you?

Shirley Anne

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Daft ‘apeth.

Daft Club
Daft Club (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For those not familiar with the saying (title above) the second word is an abbreviation of ‘half penny worth’ as far as I can gather. It was used for many a year in my circles as a child growing up in Liverpool and I suppose it was used in many other parts of the land too. I still use the phrase sometimes even now. It is used in jest in response to someone’s foolish act, usually someone known personally of course. ‘You daft ‘apeth’. Having checked to see the origin of the phrase I drew a blank but I’m sure it will be listed somewhere. E often calls me a daft ‘apeth whenever I do something silly and I often call myself the same after doing something silly too! With lots of time on my hands lately I am able to do things I haven’t done for a while, making cakes is one and I baked a lovely cake a few days ago. That has all been eaten of course, they don’t last long in our house! On Wednesday morning last week I had the idea of making a curry for a change. It had been many years since I last prepared a curry. I had to check to see if we had any ingredients, that is spices in store. E and I checked for any that might be stored in the cellar for we have a room there in which we store many foodstuffs as it is a cold and dry room. We found several containers with spice in them but not all could be used because of their age. However we did have some spices in the kitchen cupboard too, spices such as cumin, coriander, chilli powder, ginger and a few others and of course black pepper. We had enough of the correct spices with which to make a curry. Now as it happens E and I have a small collection of cookery books and one of them is dedicated to Asian recipes. She brought them into the kitchen thinking I was going to use one of the recipes. There are recipes from Japan, China, Indonesia, Vietnam, Thailand, Myanmar (listed as Burma), India and Sri Lanka in its pages. I was spoilt for choice though I didn’t wish to prepare anything special. Turning to an Indian recipe in order to jog my memory as to amounts of spices to use I was reminded how much and which spices to use. What I hadn’t realised was how hot the recipe would be. Daft ‘apeth! So I prepared the curry and yes, it was hot! Gosh it was hot and I don’t really like hot curries. Out came more cream to quench its potency but it wasn’t enough, I had to dispose of some of the liquid until finally I had it right. E also reminded me I was a daft ‘apeth too. I’ll know better next time. The (chicken) curry was delicious by the way.

Shirley Anne

Deserving another posting

Originally posted on February 9, 2013 by Shirley Anne

I was just reminded about this little story a friend sent me over three years ago when reading about another girl’s experiences visiting a toilet for handicapped people ( http://www.purpleslobinrecovery.wordpress.com/2016/12/14/evasive-eevans-events/ )…… Each time I read it I am in fits of laughter………I simply had to post it again……enjoy

English: photo of toilet seat
Photo credit: Wikipedia

Thank you Jakkie for this gem.

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a
line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once
it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every
stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won’t
latch. It doesn’t matter. The dispenser for the modern “seat
covers” (invented by someone’s mom, No doubt) is handy, but
empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there
were one, but there isn’t – – so you carefully, but quickly,
drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if
you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume
“The Stance.” In this position your aging, toneless thigh
muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but you
certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet
paper on it, so you hold “The Stance.” To take your mind off
your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be
the EMPTY toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mom’s voice saying, “Honey, if you had tried to clean the
seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!” Your
thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew
your nose on yesterday – the one that’s still in your purse.
That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way
possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn’t
work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in
front of your chest and you and your purse topple backward
against the tank of the toilet. “OCCUPIED!” you scream, as you
reach for the door dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled
tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether,
and slide down directly on the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of
course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ
and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down
toilet paper – not that there was any, even if you had taken
time to try.
You know your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
because, you’re certain, her bare bottom never touched a public
toilet seat because, frankly, dear, “You just don’t KNOW what
kind of diseases you could get.”
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is
so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like
a fire hose that somehow sucks everything down with such force
that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being
dragged in too. At that point, you give up.
You are soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found
in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
Now, you can’t figure out how to operate the faucets with the
automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry
paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You
are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you
NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it into
the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, “Here, you just might
need this.”
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,
used and left the men’s rest-room. Annoyed, he asks, “What took
you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?”
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
rest-room(REST??? – You’ve got to be kidding!!). It finally
explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also
answers their other commonly asked question about why women go
to the rest-room in pairs.
It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse
and hand you Kleenex under the door.

Another of life’s mysteries solved….

Thanks again Jakkie

Shirley Anne

 

No sense of humour

Smiling can imply a sense of humour and a stat...
Smiling can imply a sense of humour and a state of amusement, as in this painting of Falstaff by Eduard von Grützner. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To my American friends….’Is you in humour’?…well that may take some time  for some to realise the meaning in the pun. For a laugh I might have written ‘To my American friends and anyone else who cannot spell’ but that might have been taken the wrong way. It all depends on the recipient’s reaction. It is all intended as a joke, a humourous intention. I consider myself to have a good sense of humour and I feel that those who don’t are sadly missing something in their lives. I was lying in bed a few nights ago waiting to nod off to sleep and I found myself laughing so hard at something I’d heard that day. I had been watching a game show called ‘Pointless‘. I remember writing about the show in this blog some time ago. One of the contestants had been asked during the preliminary introductions about his hobbies and he replied that one of his hobbies was riding a unicycle. The host then asked how long he had been riding a unicycle and the guy proceeded to tell him the period in years but at this point I was laughing my head off thinking to myself the answer I’d have given, ‘Ever since the front wheel was stolen from my bicycle’. I wondered why the guy hadn’t thought of that as his answer but obviously he was less quick-witted as me I suppose. Either that or he just didn’t have a sense of humour. Like the guy who was asked by his friend, ‘How long have you been wearing women’s underclothes?’ when he had been discovered wearing them. His answer was given as, ‘Ever since my wife found them on the rear seat in the car’! On Thursday this week the country went to the polls in order to vote not only for their local Councillor but also for their chosen MP (Member of Parliament). the polling stations were open between the hours of 7am and 10pm to enable everyone to have the opportunity to vote outside their normal working period. I chose to arrive at 7am just as the station opened. One or two others had decided to do the same. The polling station is less that a quarter-mile from my house, a local church building, and I thought I would go there before breakfast. Two other ladies were there and I greeted them with a ‘Good morning’. I then said, ‘Gosh I didn’t realise there were two 7 o’clocks in the same day’!  One lady immediately smiled but the other just didn’t get the joke. She turned to me and said, ‘I thought everyone knew there were two’. The first lady then said to her, ‘She’s telling a joke’. I couldn’t stop laughing to myself. How could anyone think I was being serious? Obviously the second lady, else she just didn’t have a sense of humour. I don’t think I would like my life to be empty of humour, it must be awful going through life with a sombre look on your face not knowing what a joke is. I want my life to be filled with laughter, life is too short don’t you think?

Shirley Anne

Just love these lists……

25 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN UPcggum_e0

1. Your houseplants are alive and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch The Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up & break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation to just 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as being “dressed up”.

10. You’re the one calling the police because of those damn kids next door who won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down while your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer takes naps from noon to 6pm.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset your
stomach, rather than settle it.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff”.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never gonna drink
that much again”.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is for real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t
apply to you.

Moderation is a fatal thing… Nothing succeeds like excess.

Now …..

25 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN GRACEFULLY ANCIENT

1. Your houseplants are dried arrangements.

2. Having sex in any bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more milk than food in the fridge.

4. 6:00am is when you get up, as well as midnight, 2:00am, 4:00am, 8:00am …

5. You can’t hear any song on an elevator.

6. You watch The Weather Channel, because you can’t figure out the remote.

7. Your friends are all widowed.

8. You go from 14 days of vacation to 365.

9. Dressing is a bit of a chore.

10. Those damn kids next door who wouldn’t turn down the stereo are now stockbrokers.

11. Younger relatives feel uncomfortable when you tell sex jokes around them.

12. You don’t know what Taco Bell is.

13. Your car insurance goes down while your car rusts quietly in the garage .

14. You feed your dog whatever you can afford to give him.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer takes naps from noon to 6pm – you can nap anytime you like.

17. Dinner is the whole date, if you can find someone still alive enough to cook it for.

18. Eating anything other than cocoa and an antacid at 3am would severely upset your stomach, rather than settle it.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen, antacid and corn plasters. What else would they stock in a drug store, anyway?

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine isn’t even a distant memory.

21. You occasionally eat breakfast at breakfast time.

22. “No thanks, it gives me gas” replaces “I just can’t drink the way I used to”

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is with your grandchildren.

24. You no longer go to a bar for a drink.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you. *GRIN*

 

Shirley Anne