At my time in life I have more to look back on than to look forward to, in this world that is. I believe in an after life, in God, Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit so for me I believe there’s much more to look forward to beyond this life. Not everyone will agree but that is up to them. Looking back to this day seventy-one years ago my eldest sister was born so today marks her 71 st birthday anniversary. I have two sisters, the youngest celebrated her 68 th birthday last month on the fifteenth. I have two brothers too both younger than I. I remember the day my eldest sister went for the first time on a night out with the girls, a couple of friends she had at the time. She hadn’t much money to buy fancy clothes but what she had was good enough. She lacked however a pair of high-heeled shoes which the other girls were wearing and was offered a pair to borrow for the occasion.
I tried my best to show disinterest for at that time I was very much an anti-social person and took no interest in ‘going out’ as most people of my age. I was nineteen or twenty years old and all I wanted was to be able to wear high-heels too! In fact that is exactly what I used to do at that time, I cross-dressed but in secret. I had gender identity issues which remained with me until later in life when other things forced my hand and I did something about it. All this you can read in my pages. When I look back over my life I remember times and situations when I could have been more courageous in fulfilling my desires but wasn’t. Despite all my personal failures I pulled through eventually. Some people never do. Could I have done things differently? Of course I could but I was timid, shy, bullied and didn’t have someone to confide in, at least that’s what I thought. If only I had stepped out and…… well we can all think things differently in retrospect can’t we? As for the high-heels, yes I have a few pairs some of which are in the picture above but almost never wear them now though love to when I can.
Now you will be wondering what ‘3811’ means. It is the number of this post. That is the 3811 th post I have written and published on this site; at this moment there are more, about 22 more which are scheduled for publication too. When I look back at some of my posts and read them (yes I do that sometimes) I remember them as if they had just been written. I seem to have the ability to remember the written word if it is something of interest to me. Obviously my posts fall into that category but many other publications do also. I also tend to remember words spoken to me many years ago and who spoke them though I probably won’t remember their names. How peculiar is that? Even more strange is that I have a tendency to forget recent events in my life. It’s got to be the way I am ‘wired’ as they say. I don’t remember everything but only those things which were or are of interest or relevance to me. I especially remember kind words spoken to me and hostile words too. Words spoken ambiguously stick with me too, ‘Did they mean this or did they mean that?’. Were they spoken to confuse me or misguide me? Were they complimentary or were they veiled insults? Sometimes I can never be certain one way or the other when I’ve not had the opportunity of conversing with the person who spoke them. Words spoken can be a dagger to the heart or an uplifting support. I hope the words written here in my posts offer no insulting remarks to anyone. If they do then I apologise profoundly. I have to write what I feel in my own heart, what I have experienced in my life but nothing I write is false or intended to mislead.
Once upon a time in a land far away sat a little old lady writing words to help fill your day…………..
It’s getting that way I shall be getting up before I’ve even gone to bed! Another early night on Wednesday and fast asleep just after nine o’clock. I awoke at three and paid a visit to see my porcelain friend but after returning to bed I couldn’t resume my slumber. I eventually arose ten minutes before four o’clock and was surprisingly rearing to go. I was downstairs and into the rear garden to water it before five. More on that in a minute or two. An hour later it was time for breakfast and then some computer time. To be honest I was a little bored after that because there was nothing to do. Come seven-thirty I was leaving the house to do the weekly shopping and arrived at the supermarket at my usual time just before eight. It is great doing the shopping early because there are fewer people in the store and moving around it is much easier. I find having to manoeuvre my trolley around other folks’ trolleys is a distraction and a pain when there are lots of them being pushed around. Anyway I wasn’t there long and was driving home after thirty minutes. On my way home I have the radio on and heard that our wonderful water supply authority has imposed a hose pipe ban because they say the reservoir levels are low. That means limited watering of the plants in the garden unless it rains in the meantime (I write this on 19th two days after it had rained all day long). I think it is disgraceful that they haven’t done something about this seasonal shortage by now after years of having to put up with it. The irony is that when we don’t need the extra water there is too much of it but when we do need it most there is a shortage! Build more reservoirs for goodness sake, it isn’t rocket science! Now I will have to resort to the watering can won’t I?
On my arrival back home and after unpacking and storing everything away I discovered I had forgotten two items though neither of them were important and can be purchased next time. It’s getting that way I can’t read my shopping list it seems but there was a very good reason for missing the items. When I walk through the store I normally use a set route but on this occasion I collected the canned food first which meant I ended up going down a couple of aisles in the opposite direction. Being so used to collecting items in a certain manner it confused me and I had to consult my list but even then I still missed one thing. Got to be my age eh?
Today I was going to prepare a chilli-con-carne, something different for a change and after half an hour it was complete.
I normally make this kind of dish well in advance and re-heat it later. Once the heat is removed after cooking the dish stands in the residing heat and cooks slowly for an hour or so more. It tastes far better as a result. Is your mouth watering?
Do you have a good memory? Is it a good short-term memory, a good long-term memory or are you the sort of person who is fortunate in having both? In reality short-term isn’t very long so I suppose I should say medium-term memory. I also suppose I can say along with many others that I major in one but not so much the other. It is my long-term memory which is the better though I do possess a reasonably good short-term memory. The problems I have with my short-term memory are two-fold, on the one hand I often forget things and on the other hand I can remember some things but not when they occurred. During the last couple of years the second aspect has been more noticeable. For instance I would do a job of work for someone and a week or so later would receive a call from them regarding more work. I would ask who was calling of course but after being told I had been there only a week or two earlier I still had to ask where that was and sometimes even what I was doing! I could make excuses for that by saying I had a lot of work and couldn’t always remember but that would be a lie. The truth was I simply couldn’t retain the information. Yes, it was stored in my memory but I was being denied access would be a nice way of putting it. It would be true to a point. If the information wasn’t critical then it was lost. For serious and pertinent information I would remember most of the detail. When it comes to long-term memory I remember events which happened to me and things said to me because they are personal to me. They are my experiences both good and bad and I can remember them in great detail. Nowadays and because of my age I tend to be a little absent-minded which is something quite different. I find I am doing silly things, because of a lack of concentration I suppose. Putting sugar in E’s cup when I have already done it in preparing a coffee and then attempting putting the sugar in the fridge before realising it goes in the cupboard is one example. These are minor in the great scheme of things, as long as it doesn’t get worse. I could put them down to simple absent-mindedness due to age but there are people who for them being absent-minded is normal. I remember, it must have been twenty-five or more years ago, I was sitting near the front seats in an auditorium in my then workplace. We were there for instruction regarding a new working practice the company were introducing. Just prior to the speaker addressing the audience one of my colleagues, a young man, came rushing in and sat down in the front row of seats. The room was quiet for a minute as we listened to what was said to him. It wasn’t the speaker, oh no, as he sat there someone tapped him on the shoulder and said, ‘Mick, you’re sitting on my knee’! He had sat on someone’s knee and hadn’t realised it! I call that being absent-minded and indeed the young man did fit the bill. I can even remember the look on his face as we all began to laugh, even the speaker couldn’t contain himself but that was Mick.
Life is full of surprises isn’t it? You would think by my age I would have seen it all by now but no like everyone else there is always something to surprise. Speaking of age and all that comes with growing old I can say I am becoming a victim, if that is the right word, of it. According to one theory we begin the downward slope of deterioration once we are beyond the age of twenty-one. Until that age we evidently continue to grow. Obviously twenty-one is only an approximation though I remember noticing small things happening to me at around about that age which would seem to support the theory. Physical ability and strength are usually the first things one notices which begin to deteriorate. We simply cannot do things as we once were able to. Oh yes we can do them though often more slowly or with less strength but as the years pass even that sometimes dwindles away to nothing. We begin to forget things as we age.
Though I still have an excellent long-term memory recent events sometimes elude me. I can remember events from forty, fifty, sixty years ago, even further back in some instances which were part of my life. Often though I forget events which are very recent, months, weeks, days and even hours ago disappear from my thoughts. I would guess I first noticed poor short-term memory loss around the age of sixty. An example would be my going upstairs either at home or in someone else’s house to collect something and upon getting there no remembering what it was I was collecting! I have a poor memory when it comes to people’s names though faces I do remember. Where I had seen the face is usually forgotten though. What has all this to do with a dining room? No, I haven’t forgotten…….honestly! I was up in my bedroom a few days ago searching for something to wear and inside the wardrobe I noticed a cardboard box on the shelf. That in itself isn’t unusual for I have many boxes and other things in my wardrobes besides clothing. Wanting to refresh my memory as to the boxes contents I removed it from the shelf and delved inside. I found amongst other things some small plastic bags which I thought E might find useful so I removed them. Whilst doing that I saw a plastic money bag of the type used in banks with something inside it. To my surprise it contained banknotes, two hundred and sixty pounds in twenties, tens and fives. I couldn’t remember when it was I put the bag there or why. There is a small purse in the same wardrobe in which I keep banknotes and it has a similar amount in it but I know what that money is for. This separate bag of money I must have placed there for a rainy day as the saying goes but I had forgotten about it completely. It must have been there for more than a year waiting for me to use. I took a trip to the bank and deposited most of it. With the remainder I took E out to lunch. That is where the dining room comes into the story. We drove into town and went to the plush Bold Hotel restaurant for our meal. https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g191255-d568615-i180703826-The_Bold_Hotel-Southport_Merseyside_England.html
They say that as you get older you look back to the past more often. We all have them of course, memories, but they are often neglected whilst we are giving our attention to the more pressing issues of the day. It is when we find ourselves at rest or having nothing much to do that we begin to recollect memories. This is probably why older folk in particular recall memories more often, they have more time on their hands. I have found in my own life that this is true and the more so now as I am breaking the ties of formal work as an electrician. I am slowly getting used to it though a better phrase might be making adjustments. The adjustments I am making is finding things to occupy my time, walking, gardening, little projects, dining out, playing around on my guitar and other things all help me to do that. It was while out walking a few days ago that I passed two girls selling fairy cakes at the gate leading to their house. They were around fifteen or sixteen years of age and evidently had baked the cakes themselves, selling them in aid of a local charity. Unfortunately I had no money with me as I invariably don’t carry cash when simply going out for a walk. I most probably would have given them my support had I been carrying some money, not least of all because the cakes looked so delicious! It reminded me of my past when I was young and the things I used to get up to raise some pocket-money, though we, my siblings and I, were given pocket money by our parents.
It also reminded me that I have more time now in which to bake more cakes of my own, especially when the weather restricts other activities. The weather has never prevented me from going for a run or nowadays going for a walk but it does prevent me doing much in the gardens or getting on with a project of which I have a couple pending at this time. One of those projects is to erect a gate at one side of the house in the rear garden but I have to build a brick pillar first of all. I will then be able to construct the gate itself from timber I have stored. It has to be bespoke because it will be wider than the average size that could be purchased. Anyway making my own will give me something to do and be far less expensive in the process. So unrelated events and incidences help to trigger my thoughts and memories and also remind me that I’ve things to do.
As we get older some of us get forgetful to the point that even the simplest of things become a problem. I could be talking about myself here but I am not. I accept the fact that in certain areas of my life I have become slower and yes even a little forgetful at times to some extent but I still have my wits about me! No, I was referring to some of the characters I meet in my line of work, those who employ me to do their electrical jobs. I am often surprised that many people, even younger people who you might think are more savvy regarding the location of power boards and switches in their own homes but often aren’t. I’ve had a hectic couple of weeks on the run-up to Christmas so you might expect me to be a little mixed-up sometimes but I am not, in fact I thrive on the pressure and work better under it. I had a couple of jobs to do on Thursday last and numerous phone calls for my services too. The first job was to check out a faulty power outlet and to see if another could be fitted where a suspected supply lay behind a blanked-off box. Both were located in very awkward places beneath the kitchen worktops but I managed to restore everything back to normal. The second job was to check out a cooker hood that had ceased working but it was only a blown fuse caused by a faulty lamp. Whilst there I was asked to check a floodlight which had ceased working too. The elderly couple at the house were next to useless when it came to ask about the location of switches yet they had lived there many years.
They had no idea that the supply switch for the hood was located about it even though the lady of the house told me she regularly cleaned the area above the hood where the supply switch is! The gentleman was trying to be as helpful as he could when I asked him where the switch controlling the floodlight was located and he kept saying he didn’t know. Then he showed me a switch which isolated an out-building and suggested that was the one controlling the floodlight too. Doubting it would be I humoured him and checked it out. It was as I thought, it had nothing to do with the floodlight. I asked him again if there were any other switches nearby which could be the controlling switch for the floodlight and eventually the penny must have dropped for he pointed straight to it. It was located in an out-of-the-way spot in the kitchen. I proceeded to replace the faulty floodlight with a new LED version at the gentleman’s request. Fortunately I had one in the van I was going to use elsewhere the next day. Most people would know immediately the location of a switch you might think but as we get older some things are not that easily remembered. Our thoughts are often elsewhere, we remember those things we are more often using and those we use less frequently we simply forget. Sometimes though we just lose the plot for no apparent reason at all.
It was the seventieth anniversary of my birthday last Saturday. I don’t much remember the first few though I can remember incidences in those far off days of yesteryear. Recent events and especially people I sometimes have immense difficulty in remembering though specific instances and the more memorable I do remember. It isn’t an age thing, I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Yes I do remember that! In fact I find that I can remember factual information more readily than many other things. I have noticed over the last few years in particular that I am getting progressively absent-minded. I accept that this is due to age for I never used to be this way. Simply put, I forget things more easily these days. Now we are all no doubt guilty of that to some extent and for the most part it is more of a nuisance than a liability, fortunately. Leaving home without an important document that is required for a meeting or leaving an umbrella on a train can be classed as a nuisance, an inconvenience but neither poses a real problem. It is when we forget to do something which in doing so might result in a calamity or a danger to ourselves or others. Thankfully I am not at that stage and hope I shall never be. As we get older though we do forget things. I have joked about this with people I have met during the day. I will tell them that sometimes I will go upstairs to collect something or do something but once there I sometimes have to think what it is I was intending to do! It appears I am not alone in this either, many of us do exactly the same thing. It doesn’t help when my mind is filled with other things, for instance whilst at work. As I am working my mind is often two, three or even four stages ahead of my current activity and I can therefore be prone to forgetting minor details. I have to be aware of that. Now recently we had repairs done under guarantee on some of our windows and the front door of the house. We had lived with the problems for quite a number of months but were in no hurry to have the repairs done as long as they got done at some point. The main two faults were on one of the upstairs windows in a room currently not in use as it needs refurbishing and the lock mechanism on the front door. As we were not using the room the faulty window wasn’t the main problem. The door lock was more important though having said that it was more of a nuisance than a problem. When the doors were installed we could leave the house, lift up the handle and the door would be locked. The door handles look something like those shown in the picture.
Unless we had the key we would not be able to get back indoors so it was essential that we took our keys with us if we went outside. Of course if we were leaving the house and going off somewhere we would also lock the door further using the key. The lock therefore is a two-stage device but even set at the first stage will prevent re-entry. We had gotten used to not having to do this by simply locking the door with the key whenever we left the house because whilst the lock was faulty simply lifting the handle wouldn’t lock the door. If therefore I was out in the front of the house say putting garbage in the bin I was in no danger of locking myself out by lifting the door handle. Since it has been repaired there is every chance of locking myself out unless I take the key with me. Now I do not carry all my keys around with me whilst at home but there is a single key we keep to hand that we can take outside with us and it is used to lock and unlock the door whilst we are inside the house. Now here is the funny part. On Thursday E had just gone out to do the weekly shopping with her mom and I was at home. I decided to put out the accumulated plastic and cardboard waste and duly took it to the wheelie bin lifting the door handle as I left the house. A force of habit. I had however not taken that key with me for I had forgotten that the door lock had been repaired. Fortunately I had my mobile phone attached to my belt as I usually do during the day and I was able to call E for help. It took some time to get through to her but after four or five attempts she answered and returned home ten minutes later. I wasn’t dressed to be outdoors in the cold but I was glad it wasn’t raining too. I could have sat in my neighbour’s house had that been the case. E tried her key in the lock but it wouldn’t fit, the single key was in the lock on the inside where I had left it when unlocking the door! Why oh why didn’t I take it with me? There was one other possibility, try the rear door which leads into the cellar but we usually leave its key in the lock so that it cannot be misplaced. As the door is solid with no panels the key is safe left in the lock. Would E’s key be able to unlock it from the outside? We had to open the garage door then two more internal doors to get to the rear garden and on to the rear house door. She put the key in and turned it, we were in! I thanked her and sheepishly went inside whilst she returned through the garage to her car and drove away. I must remember to take a key with me next time. Whenever I am leaving the house to go anywhere I have my handbag with me. My house keys are always in it. It is only whilst at home I don’t carry them around and it is only the front door which is waiting for me to make a mistake.
Are you a good listener? Does everything told to you remain in your memory? We all forget things we have heard, seen or spoken about, we are fallible in that respect. We usually remember those things which seem to be more important and detail is often overlooked. When somebody is speaking to us do we listen with intent? Are we concentrating on what the speaker is saying? As an example, I received a birthday card through the post on Saturday. It had been sent by a recent customer of mine or rather someone for whom I had previously worked and who had asked for my services again this past week. She had been very grateful for the work I had done and the reasonable price I had charged. Inside the card she had written ‘Have a nice day’ and had dated it 31st Oct. I tried to call her but wasn’t able to connect so I sent a text message to thank her for the card but that the date was wrong, indicating my real birthday date which is 21st Nov. I don’t remember having mentioned my birth date but I must have done at some point. If I mention anything about birthdays I usually mention that I don’t celebrate them. I never tell anyone who sends me a card that I immediately destroy them once I have read them, which is what I did with the card she had sent. I would never hurt anyone’s feelings by telling them that. I thought about why she had sent me a card and why she had forgotten my birth date. Some people forget things quite easily or get the information mixed up with other things in their thoughts. Some people just don’t listen in the first place. I have to admit to not listening as I ought to sometimes but it is usually because of the amount of things a person is telling me. I have a problem with short-term memory in that I cannot always remember recent things. My long-term memory on the other hand is very good. I have been told that I am a good listener when people have poured out their hearts to me, when they have needed someone who will listen and understand their need to do so. More often though I find that fewer people will really listen when I want to tell them things and it seems some who do forget the details.
The first yesterday was of course yesterday. It was also my eldest son’s birthday.He reached the ripe old age of 33 and it only seems like yesterday that I held him in my arms for the first time. I couldn’t do that now! Sometimes I look back and wonder where all the intervening years went. It was only a little over two and a half years later his younger brother arrived on the scene. He will be 31 years old next March. I was out in the garden on Sunday afternoon just looking at things and how much just the garden has changed since we moved here in the summer of 1988. I remember the boys learning how to ride a bicycle on and around what then passed as a lawn and my father-in-law bemoaning the fact that they were cutting a pathway through the grass with the bikes. At that time more of the family lived with us in the house but now there are but two of us living here. The house holds all sorts of memories, some good and some bad but mostly good. What started me thinking about the past was when I was watering the plants. It hadn’t rained for a day or so and some of the newly planted ones were beginning to suffer. These are the shrubs I planted in the mound and their roots have yet to grow down to where most of the water will be most of the time. The top soil dries out too quickly during the warmer weather. I began as I usually do when watering the garden, to water the plants at the opposite end of the garden to where the patio is and some of the plants there seem to have grown very little over the years even though they are perfectly healthy. They are naturally slow-growing but some have noticeably grown over the years and have needed pruning back. A few weeks ago I had to cut back some of those plants which had begun to grow over the path around the lawn making it difficult to walk along without having to swerve to avoid them. In the same border there is a variegated holly tree one of two in fact. The other one is intermingled with other trees and has not grown to any great height because of that but I plan to do some pruning in the area to get rid of unwanted side-shoots and such like. The holly I mention that has grown well started life as a very small plant back in the days when the boys lived here but is now over three metres in height. If you click on the above picture a couple of times you should be able to see this holly, it is the last tree on the left of those in the centre of the shot. Immediately to its left you can see the washing line post against the wall. It is difficult to see the holly as when the photo was taken a few years ago it hadn’t filled out. It isn’t the largest holly as there is one which stands next to the large greenhouse which is well over five metres and is shown in the top picture. It is a different variety of holly, dark green leaves and red berries. Where it stands the ground used to be a kind of garden waste dump but it has changed dramatically since those days. Many things have changed over the years and much work has been done but there is always scope for more. Yesterdays are full of reminders of things past and how I got to where I am and they are all inside my head, I don’t need heaps of photographs to remind me, though I have some, no, the greatest thing is to be able to sit there and look at how things have changed and all for the better. Yesterdays have gone and will never return, tomorrows are what counts.