I was just browsing some of my old postings on here and am surprised at the variety of things I’ve talked about. When I first took up ‘blogging’ I never thought I’d find anything to talk about or at the very least I thought my ideas would be short-lived. I haven’t been writing for a year yet but I am hoping I’ll be here for a while, God willing. Sometimes my subject matter comes easily but at other times I struggle to think of something to write about. Sometimes I will experience something in the day which I can write about or I may be reading someone else’s blog and get inspiration there. I have noticed that some bloggers write long essays but write infrequently whilst others will write short articles frequently, much like I do. Some like to write two or three small articles daily, maybe because they’ve nothing else to do! I try to write something each day if I can but I like to keep it fairly short. Readers can get bogged down with too much information and they do have their own lives to lead. My intention is not to use my blog as a platform for preaching my views on any subject but to keep it open and friendly for people to post their own responses reflecting their views in a light-hearted way. That to me is the essence of blogging, it is really a means by which we can chat with each other. I have ‘chats’ at the pub or at a social gathering and this blog for me is an extension of that ideal. Happy ‘chatting’.
I have lots of things going for me in my life but I still feel trapped. I am in an awkward position in that I still live with my ex..We get on ok, that’s not the problem. The main problem is the house, it isn’t selling. Oh I could throw £20K or £30K at it and that would give it an edge. In fact I am sure it would sell soon after. The problem is my ex. is stubborn and won’t agree to go halves with me at the moment. She doesn’t need the cash up front but could pay her share after the house is sold and she is paid. She insists she needs what she would get to enable her to buy another house. She doesn’t realise that she needs to set her sights lower. I know I could force the issue in court and make her see reason but I am loathed to do that. I love her too much to hurt her. As a result I sometimes feel trapped. I could have retired by now and settled in an apartment which is my desire. In the meantime the house we have needs attention and guess who is expected to fix it? Something has got to happen soon before I am unable to do anything about it.
My whole life consists of work and the occasional dinners out with my ex.. Once in a while I’ll go to the pub but after that there is nothing. I suppose I am not the only person whose life follows a similar pattern. Life can be so very boring at times and I try to fill my days with things I like to do. My children are grown so that part of my life, that is their upbringing is well gone by. I do see them from time to time. So my days have to be filled in other ways. I have hobbies, playing the guitar, exercising on my treadmill, going for walks, writing emails and posts on my blog of course. I like to read but don’t do that as often as I perhaps should and the television is always there but that gets boring after a while. Life is what you make it and I try to make it as enjoyable as I can. I like being with people and socialising and do that whenever I can. Outside of all these things my life is a lonely road. I have no relationship with anyone and I miss that in my life but it isn’t something I worry about. If it happens then it happens. I am comforted by my faith. Many people have a faith of some sort and I wonder why they have these faiths and on what promises are they based. Now this blog is not intended as a platform to preach my faith or any other specific subject but now and then I will make mention of it depending on what I want to say. Today I was glancing through my UCB (United Christian Broadcasting) booklet called ‘The word for today’ and opened it’s page at 26th December. I read the message that is there for that day. Basically it talks about the different religions there are and what they advocate. Many believe that there are many ways to reach God or to reach the ‘next level’ making the assumption that there is a ‘next level’. It talks about Judaeism, Budhism, Hinduism, Islam and a few others and the different routes these religions accept as the way forward. Christianity however boasts but one way. Jesus said, ‘I am the way the truth and the life, nobody comes to the Father but by me’. Some claim! He died on our behalf that we might be saved. Saved from what you might ask? Saved from eternal damnation and punishment for our sinful lives. He paid the price that we should be paying and all he asks is that you believe that in your heart and confess it with your mouth. What could be simpler? Who though takes up his offer? People would rather believe in something else which has no promise and claim that their way to God is just as valid. Well unfortunately God doesn’t agree, Jesus is the only way. Not all roads lead to London, not all boats sail to Australia and not all airplanes fly to Moscow! There is only one way to God and I have just told you about it. Without this knowledge in my heart, without the love of Jesus, I am nothing and he gets me through each day. My lonely road is no longer so.
I have been offended tonight by someone writing me an email explaining why my comment to her blog was not published. I have to say that it didn’t come as a surprise because of her attitude toward me in the recent past has been one of coldness. I tried my best with her but you can only do so much. She had referred her readers to a certain website in regard to the subject she was presenting which for obvious reasons I will not disclose here but I wrote in reply to that article my own views on the subject which she felt she couldn’t post. It is such a shame that she has chosen not to do that. If you post something which has to do with a sensitive subject then you have to respect other people’s views as long as those views are not slanderous, vehement or abusive. You can’t hold one sided debates though. I will not be visiting her site in future.
Readers of my blog will always be treated with respect when they make comment as long as they are respectful in those comments.
Well to be exact, we did that yesterday but it wasn’t to watch horses racing around a real track. My ex. and I had spent the afternoon dining out of town and after a short spell back home we went to our local pub where they were holding a ‘Race Evening’. For those unfamiliar with this quaint pastime the idea is to place a small fixed wager of one pound on one of eight horses that are running in an old recording and whose real identities are hidden. The races themselves were recorded many years ago at different venues but the commentary had been over-dubbed with the horses and riders given a number from one to eight. A rider could also be ‘supported’ for an extra sum and a horse be ‘bought’ for an extra sum too. If you were the ‘owner’ of a horse or rider that won you got to win a prize. Last night this was a bottle of sparkling wine. If you had backed a winning horse the prize would be determined by the total amount gambled on the race and the odds given against that horse just like at a real race event. All extra monies became the property of the organiser which this time was ‘The British Heart Foundation’, a charitable organisation. My ex. only won the first race as the ‘owner’ of the winning horse didn’t she? She won another race later. I also won an ‘owner’s prize in a later race and in the last race I had a winning bet too. So we came away with two bottles of wine and a small cash prize each. It was all in fun and we probably spent more than we received back in kind but as it was for charity it was worthwhile. It was a shame though that the event wasn’t as greatly supported as it had been a year ago.
I was browsing the statistics of my blog and noticed someone had visited the ‘My Faith’ page. I am so happy when people read that page because it is a witness for Jesus. It got me thinking and I read the page myself for yet another time. It helps to reflect on things I think, it helps you to stay focused and on the right path in life. I wrote a poem some time ago called reflections which describes what I was thinking at that time. Whenever I look back over the things I’ve done in the past I sometimes wonder why I’d done them but then I think maybe it was all supposed to be that way. Life is a learning curve that never ends until you take your last breath. If you’ve gotten things wrong by then it is all too late. A few years ago I worried some about many things but since I discovered Jesus and became a Christian I worry about nothing. I have a healthy respect and anxiety of course but I believe God will get me through my life and there is no need to worry. Here is that poem, you can also find it in my poems pages.
I know not when the Sun will fade
Nor when the seas will dry,
Nor do I know why grass is green
And why so blue, the sky,
I know not where the birds all go
When daylight is all gone
And night brings forth her darkening shroud
Save for a shining Moon,
I cannot count the grains of sand
Which lie upon a shore,
And do I know the Universe
Will be forever more?
I cannot reason why there’s hate
Instead of love and peace,
Why suffering is someone’s lot
While others have a feast,
I can’t deny those things I feel
Nor what my eyes can see,
I know not why that you are you
And why that I am me,
I know that in the scheme of things
We are but very small,
And wonder often why it is
That we are here at all,
But after all is said and done
Regardless of my plight,
I’ll just forget my weaknesses
And get on with my life.
Copyright Shirley Anne 14 March 2003
So now I live my life without worrying too much about things I have no control over. Stay focused, there is no need to worry if God is on your side.
I have spent most of my life without any real friends. When I was very young I did have a friend but when we moved house we lost contact. I would have been twelve at that time. Quite a few years later when I was about twenty that friend called to my new house and wanted to see me however, I did not wish to renew the friendship. I had become a very anti-social person by then and that continued until I was about twenty-five. I didn’t want friends, I really didn’t want anything and I guess I was just rebelling against society and the fact that I was also suffering from gender dysphoria, something which haunted me all my life until 2002 when I went through re-assignment surgery. My life had changed tremendously when I became a Christian and I realised how precious life is. I love people, I wanted them to know what I knew and had experienced. I still do. The thing is I became very open to friendship and will make friends now very easily. Since my transition too I have become a much more settled and loving person. I first found love when I met my marriage partner and I still love her though we are now divorced. Then along came Jesus into my life and I learned the true meaning of love. Even though I am open to friendship and am very generous to those whom I make my friends, I seldom find people willing to be a real friend to me. There are but a couple of people in my life whom I would call my real friends and they know who they are. One of those friends is going through a bad patch just now and is finding it hard to cope financially. If that person is reading this I do wish my offer to help is accepted, for with me there are no strings when someone is in need and especially if that person is my friend.
……..And here’s me thinking I’d have the afternoon free! Fat chance of that. I received a call from a young woman who told me her neighbour had lost her electrical power supply. The young woman had tried to re-instate the supply but the reset switch wouldn’t work. I agreed to call and see what the problem was thinking it would be a simple affair. On arrival I discovered that the reset switch was faulty. This switch is what most people call a ‘trip switch’ and is actually an RCD, a safety switch to prevent electric shock and possibly death to someone who accidentally comes into contact with mains power. It does ‘trip’ when activated. The problem was that it could not be repaired or changed because this type of switch is now obsolete. It would necessitate the whole distribution board being replaced. There was no time to do that today so I had to effect a temporary repair which by-passed the switch. However the fault had also caused the electricity supplier’s main switch to fuse solid and the main fuse blowing too. I repaired the fuse and arranged for the supply company to replace the switch on Friday. Meanwhile I will return tomorrow and install a replacement distribution board. Quite a costly affair for the old lady but fortunately her son is paying. I get to do some work for him too next week. Can’t be bad. So off I went to the wholesaler to get the materials for tomorrow and I get another call from a woman desperate to have her bathroom lighting sorted. Evidentally she’d changed a switch herself and made a mess of it. So before I went home I called in and sorted it out for her. This is often how my days go but it does make them interesting…………
Today I am having an enforced quiet day at home. I have no work scheduled but that isn’t by choice, however I will make the most of the opportunity to simply relax. Well that is the plan. Mind you I tackled a job I have been constantly avoiding over the last couple of months and got it out of the way this morning. ‘What was it’, I hear you say? I washed my vehicle! It is the most boring of things to do and I never relish the idea of doing it. So rather than take it to a hand wash station (it won’t go through an auto car/van wash because of the roof rack) I decided to do the job myself. Oh, it isn’t difficult, just a boring task. I must say though it now looks more like a professional person’s transport than a garbage removal truck! I’m surprised the dirt that was removed hasn’t blocked the drains…LOL. Well thats a job I won’t need to repeat for a while. Thank goodness she says. So now then, what do I do for the remainder of the day? I’ll think of something I’m sure. Enjoy your day as I will mine.
It’s great to be alive…………. today I worked about three or four hours or so, earned some cash and almost blew it all on a great afternoon. I took my ex. out for a meal and then onwards to my local pub for some drinks, darts and pool. I got beat at the darts but held my own at pool. The point is we had a great time. It is certainly great to be alive isn’t it? If you don’t agree then something is surely wrong. I had a really pleasant job this morning and was feeling on top of the world so when I got home I asked my ex. if she’d like to dine out. She seldom says no so off we went. Rather than going too far out of town she elected to go somewhere more local, to a place we hadn’t visited for a while. I always leave the venue for her to decide. I was glad she selected the place for it turned out to be a really nice meal all round. Being in a generous mood I asked if she needed fuel for her car because she never complains about the cost when driving me about. She said she was ok for fuel but that she had a quarter tank full. ‘Come on,’ I said, ‘Let’s go fill your tank’. So after the meal we drove to a filling station and filled up her car. I then said, ‘It comes at a price’. She wondered what I meant and I continued, ‘You’ve got to come with me to the pub and we’ll have a game of darts or two’. She gladly accepted. She doesn’t get out much unless I persuade her so I was happy she decided to come out with me. It feels so nice to be alive and to treat my ex. whenever I can.